Colons and dashes (or: gesturing and bananas)

I know, I know. Colons and dashes. Who can work out that little contretemps? Throw a semi-colon into the mix, and you've got a contre-menage-a-trois, which is just about the worst French affliction there is.

Listen, forget about semi-colons for now. They have nothing to do with dashes and colons. That's all you need to know about them within this particular context.

So, to colons and dashes. There are plenty of high-falutin' rules that, if you wish, you can research and memorise so you can wow potential suitees at parties. As per usual, I will bypass these and give you my own humble interpretations of the usage of these two forms of punctuation. Okay? Okay.

The dash

We're not talking hyphens, people. Dashes. Whether it's a spaced n dash (blah – blah) or an unspaced m dash (blah—blah), the dash does the same thing.

The dash does for grammar what the gesture of holding your hand out, palm-side up, and moving it toward your listener does.

Imagine we're talking, you and I. It's getting a bit peevish. You want to use a semi-colon, and I'm trying to explain to you that it's just not right in this context. Then I say, "Look—it's just not right." And at "Look", I lift my hand to about waist-height, palm up, and advance it in your direction.

This gesture invites concord. It's not confrontational; instead, it almost pleads for understanding. This is what the dash does. It says, "Hey, here's what I really mean. Here's a bit more detail. Get me now?"

The colon

The colon says, "ta-daaa!"

Personally, I like to think that the colon prepares the reader for the concept precipitated by the words that appear before it, but you probably think that's a big fat bunch of bull. Fine. Just think of it as "ta-daaa!" alright?

"I had lunch: bananas on toast."

Yes, it would be far more entertaining to punctuate our sentences with "ta-daaa!", but it's unlikely to be appropriate in all cases.

If "gesture/ta-daaa!" is too obtuse for you, perhaps think of dashes and colons thus: the dash pre-empts the advancement of further elucidation for the reader's kind consideration, while the colon, like an equal sign, separates two equal parts of an equation.

Dashes can also be used parenthetically; colons can be used to introduce lists. But what with all this gesturing and bananas, we've probably done enough for one day, don't you think?