Ridiculous sentences I actually receive in email

People don't seem to believe the things I receive in emails, so I thought I'd provide some real-life examples for you to marvel over.

• If you do take my tv, you would be able to view programs when they are actually shown.
• Is your rate still $45 an hour?
• I will like to make regular submission to your blog.
• I have recently discovered the joys of a gourmet G and T and can not wait to make them for you.
• I was thinking of naming my first son Jesus.

Need we go further? You get the idea.

Why do people complain about email? I can never understand it. Opening my inbox is like opening the fresh page of a choose-your-own-adventure novel: one never has any fucking idea what one is going to get.