Workstyle

The latest bullshit term to surface like congealed flotsam on the grimy meniscus of the modern media is workstyle. If you haven't heard it, I'm sorry to bring it to your attention. If it's been around for ages, well, it's new to me, so stop your whining.

In honour of this new piece of linguistic detritus (I'm beginning to think the "evolution" of language is a lot like the "evolution" of entertainment [into reality tv], but that's a topic for another time), I'd like to present my own workstyle for your consideration.

1. Awaken from dream-addled slumber.
   
2. Steel self for hours ahead. Gird loins, sharpen knives, crack bullet chambers open and closed on handguns, etc.
3. Approach desk to mental strains of Rocky theme music.
4. Open iTunes and switch theme to that from Taxi Driver.
5. Lift hands, which are for some reason like lead, to keyboard.
6. Consume coffee.
7. Become awash with dread. Lie and tell yourself you only have to do an hour's work.
   
8. Commence typing.
9. Get caught up.
10. Get carried away.
11. As you start a new piece of content (article, sentence, chapter, paragraph, what-have-you), have it dawn on you how brilliant this thing is.
12. Tell yourself you're amazing.
13. Believe it.
    
14. Three hours and as many thousand words later, eat chocolate. And more coffee.
15. Cleave to the revelation that this thing you're writing is groundbreaking.
    
16. Hum We Are the Champions to self.
17. Run.
18. More writing. More chocolate.
    
19. Cry "Booya, suckahs!" as you type final full stop of the day with keyboard-shattering profundity.
20. Save.
21. Champagne. Or red. Or a mojito. Whatever's to hand.

Now that's what I call a "workstyle". Yes, this is how it goes every single day.